funeral
Today my aunt passed away. It's been a long fight with cancer, but no one expected it to happen for real. I've been hearing that she's in the hospital, and I've been saying I've been meaning to go see her. But I never did in the end.. Somehow I always thought she'd still be there. Year after year. I always thought that nothing could happen. Death. The dreadful, cold finality. Staring at me right in the face. And I can't do anything. I feel so helpless for once. I'm in school now surrounded by life. By so many lives. Yet one I know is gone. And the world goes on as usual. Funny how we think we make an impact in the world, but when we are dead, the world doesn't recognise that. We live only in the hearts of those who knew us, but when they too die, the memory of us dies with them. Mummy says she became more unstable after she got ill. I think I would too. But who can we blame for things that happen to us? Who can we blame for the illnesses we get? We can't blame ourselves, but we can't blame God either. So we put the blame on someone else. Someone innocent, who hasn't done anything but try to be there. Yet we hurt those closest to us, because we don't know what to do, and because we're afraid. When you're dying.. it becomes so scary to be alone. It hurts so much because you're scared you're going to die alone. Without leaving any impact on the world. Without anyone remembering you. Without anyone loving you. Isn't that sad? Death.. it's part of everyone's life, but somehow it seems so unreal. Unreal. It's just like a dream gone wrong, a nightmare waiting to happen. I didn't expect to hear mummy say that my auntie passed away. Just didn't expect it. It came as such a shock, because I thought that she would live for a few years more. At least. I guess I never expected her to be cured, but she's only 50. Still young? Still so young.. Life deals us unexpected blows. Life also gives us wonderful miracles of friends and family to help us through. The gift of life is a precious one. I hope I remember this. And that my realisation doesn't come too late.
