listening
Today in class we watched a movie called 'Ordinary People' and it was all about listening.. How listening can help or hinder your relationships with other people. Listening is all about the eyes, the ears and the HEART. I guess it's really tiring to be listening and responding to the speaker when appropriate, but I find that I like listening. It makes me feel happy, not happy because my friends are having problems, but happy because they trust me enough to tell me about them. I like listening because I can learn a lot about the world by listening. I like listening because it opens a window into the ideas and opinions of others. I like listening because it helps me stay close to my friends. In the show, the mother (Beth) was devastated at the loss of her favourite son, Buck, and she blamed her younger son Conrad for losing his grip on his brother while they were out at sea. She was so consumed by her own grief that she ignored the needs of those around her, ie her husband (Calvin) and Conrad, and refused to listen to them, instead ignoring their need to express their grief and their need for love. She was mired in her own world, and could not listen to and respond to the outside world.
Conrad blamed himself for letting go of his brother even when he said he would hold on. He also blamed himself for the suicide of Karen, a friend he met at the hospital, because she was fine before. The psychiatrist, Dr. Berger, asked him why he kept thinking it was solely his fault, and I think this is a big problem of so many people. We blame ourselves for everything bad that happens, that we feel guilty all the time, and suffer from low self-esteem. It is important to try to establish THE TRUTH, ie shift some of the blame to something else, yet not shift all the blame to someone else, ie not take any responsibility for whatever has happened. We must recognise our role in the situation, and feel bad only for what we have done. If not, we're giving ourselves a lot of unnecessary heartache. It's just like when we like a guy, and he doesn't like us, it's not because 'I'm not good enough for him', but maybe you have different values, upbringing, culture etc etc. Actually, I'm trying to console myself here..
I thought the ending was especially sad, because I expected it to end as a happily-ever-after story, where mother, father and son would resolve their problems and live a peaceful life. However, Calvin told Beth one day that "I don't know if I love you anymore", and that hit me so hard I could barely breathe. Suddenly I heard that from somewhere in my past. And the sharp shock scared me. It scared me because I remembered how I felt at that time. I was lost, and alone, and I didn't know what I would do without his love. And I was scared because I didn't want to hear it ever again. So, the story ended with Beth leaving early the next morning. Despite that, Conrad tells his father how proud he is of him, and that "I love you". This, for me, was what proved the utter humanity of the film, how people could recover from emotional hurt, and how love transforms everything. And the love between father and son was the last scene of the movie, and showed so much hope for the future, that all I could do was try not to cry as the lights were turned on...
The last words.. Tell whoever you love that you love them, don't wait til it's too late then regret that you never said it enough..
