some more..
I hate seeing my friends get upset and become so vulnerable. I hate knowing my friends can and will get hurt. But the worst is, I just stand on the sidelines and watch them get hurt, and I can't do anything about it. Well, I know I can't solve their problems for them, I can't do anything to make them hurt less. Sometimes I don't know anything, I don't know what to say, so I'd rather keep quiet than say the wrong thing.
But aren't relationships just so complicated and painful? What happened to those days when liking someone was fun? At first things are great, everyone's happy and everyone's nice. Then the little cracks start to show, sometimes they stay little, most of the time they grow bigger and bigger and no matter how hard you try to hold the pieces together things just fall apart. It's no use staying bitter, wishing the other person ill, it doesn't hurt anyone but yourself. Anger just plants a seed of hatred in your heart, and it'll slowly grow and fester and takes over your entire soul, pushing out every bit of love and happiness you could be capable of. Instead of moving on, your thoughts are lingering on how to make the other person unhappy, your imagination filled with fantasies of how much the other person is going to suffer. It's not that easy to move on, like how some people say, just forget it!
Forgive and forget. Can things be that simple? I still haven't forgiven or forgotten. But hate is no longer an issue, I just can't be bothered anymore, because I no longer care. Is that supposed to be good or bad? Whatever the case, I know how hard moving on is, I'm so glad I had my friends to hold me up when I thought I was going to fall. I remember Y and T sitting with me in my car, listening to me talk, comforting me when I couldn't stop crying, trying to help me see things more clearly. My friends were there with me when I didn't want to be alone, helping me when I didn't know what to do. Without friends like these, I would never have made it out of there so quickly. They showed me how there was more to life than him. Meeting A my OG also helped me to see there were other people I could care about, other people for me to pay attention to and think of, other things to do with my life than simply sit down mope and cry. And I guess I owe them a lot.
Breaking up is so hard to do. Getting used to being alone isn't easy when there's been the same someone there for 2 years. I've learnt to appreciate myself, to hold myself in higher regard, to stop putting myself down all the time, thinking I'm not good enough. I indulge myself in self-love, not yet to the point of narcissicm, but enough to make myself feel happy to be a swinging single that's in love with life.
It isn't a cliche when it's your life.
